Do Opposites Really Attract?

 It's said that "opposites attract."

 From my observation this isn't really true. It's more true that similarities, although not sameness, tend to attract. Most people like being around others who are more similar than imposingly different. This is not to say there aren't those who appear to be opposites who get together.

What most people label as "opposites" are actually complementary, parts that mesh or go well together. "Two peas in a pod" as some may say. 

A common example of "opposites" attracting are the positive and negative ends of a magnet. But, these aren't really opposites.

True opposites cannot exist in the same space. Opposite comes from the word oppose. If one side opposes the other side, the two sides cannot exist together. There would have to be some change or compromise on one or both sides for the opposites to be on the same side, and then they would no longer be opposing. 

Some examples of real opposites include: light and darkness, good and bad, happiness and misery, life and death, corruption and incorruption.

Too often we see something as being opposite when it is actually part (or the potential part) of a complete whole.

Back to the positive and negative poles of a magnet, these are not true opposites. They do not oppose each other. They actually come together to form a whole.

In ancient Chinese philosophy the yin and yang is a concept of an apparent university duality, where there are seemingly opposing forces or energies such as positive and negative, or female and male. But the reality is these dualities are actually complementary, interconnected, and interdependent. One may exist in a space without the other, but a completeness, a whole, cannot exist without both. You may even note that the Yin symbol is black but it has a white dot, and the Yang is white with a black dot.

In relationships true opposing personalities or characteristics do not attract. Someone who is genuinely happy doesn't want to make a commitment with a miserable person. A gentle person is not attracted to someone who is violent.

I know you're about to give me some example of "real life" but wait first. The gentle, kind woman who married someone who is physically violent most likely didn't know the person was violent or an abuser to begin with. Something in the miserable person (not the misery itself but some other part of the person) is what attracted to the happy person, and the happy, positive person likely saw the hidden gem, the potential, in the miserable individual. Even if the person was aware of opposing factors, the attraction was not to the opposite but on a different level.

What we might see as being "opposite" are usually characteristics that someone feels they are lacking or weak in and they may see someone else as being strong in those attributes. Someone who is indecisive might be attracted to an opinionated or decisive person because it's something they want to have more of. It is not the opposite they are attracted to but the possibility of becoming stronger in a weak area, of becoming and feeling more whole.

As an example, I'm very much an introvert and wife is more extroverted (although she's not what I'd call the social butterfly and always the life of the party...I probably wouldn't be able to have an intimate relationship with someone like that). I'm weak in social situations, she's much stronger. And although we have some differences, we have a lot of similar interests and likes. I'd probably say we have more in common than not.

What can too often happen, particularly in cases where there are opposing emotional responses/reactions, is a build up of friction. When the opposing sides aren't willing to come together, to really learn from the other and find common ground to build and improve on, then the opposition will result in conflict.

If we attract people who share similar interests and likes, then it makes sense that attraction is also applicable on the attitude level as well as other parts of life.

Where we are concerned, particularly our mindsets, belief systems, our emotional energies can either build us up, pushing us forward and upward to greater heights. Or, our emotional energies bring us down and keep us from progressing and pursuing improvement. While no emotion is inherently good or bad, how we act or react (in thought, word, or action) is where the good or bad happens. For simplicity, the emotions that drive us to do better, be better, and become better are considered positive. The emotions that keep us down, that effectively block or keep us from improving ourselves would be negative.

If we're looking for the good, that is what we'll see. It's not that bad doesn't happen, but that we can look past the bad parts and use the good to improve ourselves. These good, positive parts build us and strengthen us. They make us more resilient.

Looking at the negative and bad things that happen to us does the opposite. They begin to tear and wear us down. We see and feel their effect and think about how terrible it is and how bad our luck is, or whatever negative thought we might have. These thoughts begin sinking into our emotional, subconscious mind and we begin to condition ourselves to respond this way. What happens? When the next event happens we focus on the bad, the negative, what we expect to see and experience.

Positivity builds our internal armor. Negativity breaks it down.

As negativity increases in our life it can also create disharmony between our thoughts, feelings, and actions. This disharmony creates attitude problems. In some cases this disharmony can cause other mental and/or emotional issues as well, which may require professional help to get us out.

The law of attraction is real. 

The question is how do we harness or bridle our emotional energy, the energy of heart, to manifest what we really desire in our lives?

Most people don't want what they keep getting. The want and wish for something better. They may even think about it a lot. They might even have a bunch of affirmations to help. But things don't change. Or they change for a bit and then go back. So, they decide that the law of attraction doesn't work.

The problem is most of us don't really understand how the law of attraction work. Many even think they know. The issue is most don't understand what is at the heart of attraction.